Not Set Aside, Set Apart

I recently completed the Uninvited study by Lysa TerKeurst. This was my first time participating in a study by her. And let me just say that every chapter, every session held my attention. Each one held wisdom that resonated deep within my soul. It asked questions that caused me to pause and reflect. It had one-liners that became anthems written on Post-it notes that I placed around my house to help me remember the goodness of God and His promises to us. But one piece of true wisdom stood out to me, louder than the rest: the idea that I am not set aside; I am set apart.

I have struggled to find community. Nine years ago, my husband and I decided to sell most of our possessions and move, with our five-month-old daughter, from upstate New York to the Huntsville, Alabama area. While we moved closer to my immediate family we did not have a community. And at our age it is not easy to find genuine, like-minded friends. I prayed that God would bring us into community. We joined a church and tried to join small groups. As my daughter got older and went off to school I attempted to form relationships with the other moms in her classroom but not many relationships grew to the depth I was looking for or stuck at all. I tried, I put in effort, I reached out, I tried to make plans. But most of the time it seemed like my efforts were for nothing. Just disappointment that led me to unhealthy thought patterns about my value and my worth.

Was it me?

But when I pause and look back from where I stand now to where I stood just a few years ago I am amazed at how God has brought me the exact community I needed. It hasn’t looked like I thought it would. And it hasn’t been with the women I so desperately tried to have it with.  But God. He knew better, much better, than I did.

Before I came to work for Active Abundance, I was the executive director of the early learning center at what was then my church. There I met a mom whose daughter was in the same class as mine when our girls were two. I always felt a connection with her, and our paths continued to cross over the years as our daughters went on to the same schools. But we never connected outside of that. Her other children also attended my center, so there was an unclear boundary between professionalism and friendship that I wasn’t sure I should cross. Then God called me out of that work and into my role with Active Abundance, and it opened doors in so many areas of my life. One was my relationship with this mom. She is the one who invited me to join the study.

She invited me to a study called Uninvited. The irony is not lost on me. Many times in my life God has used humor to get my attention. That invitation helped me see that I can put in all the effort I want, but it isn’t about my effort (it isn’t about her either). It is about God’s timing. I was nervous about attending, but through the study I have been able to show up exactly where I am, be open and vulnerable about the things I am struggling with, and be received with grace and truth. Not only has the Father seen me, heard my prayers and answered them, but He has brought me a group that sees me too. We might not talk often outside of the group, but we are connected through our sharing, support and just the fact that we know we aren’t alone in our struggles. And that is what community is all about.

Back to that moment in the study when I read the words: You are not set aside; you are set apart. God began to show me something about my value and my relationships. I can walk into a room where I don’t know anyone, one of my biggest fears, and I can be okay. I can be alone among the other people in the room, but I am not actually alone. He is with me. I can be myself, and that is all I need to do. I don’t need to try to appeal to others around me. I don’t need to perform in order for other people to find value in me. I am not set aside; I am set apart.

This leads me to one of my favorite verses in the Bible, Ephesians 1:4: “For he chose us in him, before the foundation of the world, to be holy and blameless in love before him” (CSB). Focus on the beginning of that verse: He chose us in him, before the foundation of the world. God chose me. Not only did He choose me but He chose me before the foundation of the world, the entire world!

He is the God who sees me, El Roi, just as He saw Hagar in Genesis 16. Hagar left Abram and Sarai’s household because of harsh treatment. When she felt set aside, He came looking for her in the wilderness. While I wasn’t running from harsh treatment, I was trying to build connection, and it kept falling short. I began to experience a sense of isolation and rejection.

But in reality, I belong even when I feel overlooked. God chooses me. He sets me apart. So when I enter a room, an event, or a space and feel out of place, set aside, or like I don’t belong, or when I feel like I need to earn approval or my place, I can remember that God chooses me, He sees me, and He sets me apart. Ephesians 2:13 says it this way: “But now, in Christ Jesus, you who were far away have been brought near by the blood of Christ” (CSB).

This isn’t a loud posture that I carry into a room to demand attention. It is a gentle and soft assurance I get to hold on to: I was chosen. I don’t have to earn my place, I don’t have to strive to fit in, I don’t have to perform. I can be exactly who God has created me to be, and that is enough. When I stopped striving to build community my way, God brought it to me through a simple invitation to a Bible study. God will bring the right community. I only need to hold on to the truth of who He created me to be and watch how He moves around me.

So, here is my prayer for those of you looking for community:

Father, in her wilderness, when she has felt far from you, you have always been there waiting for her. You see her. You see all the sin, but she is still chosen, because you chose her from the very beginning, before the foundation of the world. And through the blood of your Son you made a way for her to draw near to you, to be in relationship with you. She belongs. She belongs to the body of believers, but she also belongs to you, and she has always belonged to you, from the very beginning. So when she feels overlooked here on this earth, remind her that she does belong.

Thank you, Father, for loving her and choosing her from the beginning. No matter her wilderness, she belongs to you. She can have abundant joy because she belongs to you. You see her, you walk with her, and you lead her. You only want and give good things to her, Father. Thank you. Amen.

When I look back, I can see that God has been using simple invitations to build my community. Back in May of 2024, I was invited to join Active Abundance, as a pilgrim, on their first pilgrimage to Zion National Park. I didn’t know any of the other participants. It was uncomfortable and nerve-racking, but God doesn’t keep us comfortable. He doesn’t set us aside; He sets us apart. And what I found on the other side of that invitation was a community of women across the country who are forever connected in sisterhood. Now I extend this invitation to you: come on pilgrimage with Active Abundance and see how God wants to walk with you in His abundance.